Don’t talk about playoffs.
I’m just hoping we can win a game, another game!”
So if you had 5:14PM yesterday as the time the first playoff ticket offer was to come from the IronPigs, you win! We were standing in the plaza at Reading last night, discussing the playoffs for both the IronPigs and the Fightins, when the email came detailing the ticket offer for Season Ticket Holders.
I wanted to recap the information for you here. However, I processed the email through the “NoiseNation cynical been-here-too-long team-speak filter.” This is what came out:
(What I’m trying to say, is that this post is a joke, and for entertainment purposes only. Playoff packs are available as of this morning for Season Ticket Holders. Contact your ticket rep for accurate details. Remember, what follows is a joke. I’m joking. Like, trying to be funny but maybe failing. I’m not angry. Cynical, yes. No worries.)
IronPigs 2016 Playoff FAQ:
Are the IronPigs in the playoffs?
A: Not yet. They’re in position but nothing has been clinched and no playoff games are guaranteed.
When can I buy playoff tickets?
A: If you’re a season ticket holder, then now. Just call up and give us your credit card, checking account number, social security number, and the key to your safe-deposit box and we’ll get you set up.
How much are playoff tickets?
A: How much do you have? Full price, as much as we can get.
How many playoff games will there be?
A: We don’t know. It could be none. Or, it could be 5. We’ll just charge you for all of them and hold on to the money. Don’t worry. It’s easy.
When will the games be? Which days and times?
A: We don’t know for sure.
What if I order tickets but there are less games? Or, none?
A: Yeah, we’ll hold onto the money for you. We can apply it towards next season.
But what if I’m not renewing for next season? Do I get a refund?
A: We don’t understand the question.
I mean, do I get money back?
A: We’ve never heard of such a thing. I’m not sure our computers are set up for that.
What about groups? Are you booking groups for these games?
A: Absolutely. We’ll sell you as many full-priced tickets as you want. Pay in advance. And we can’t tell you when the game will be.
Do you have anything else special planned?
A: Well you’re not getting any good pretzels, if that’s what you’re asking.
No, I mean, giveaways or fireworks or like that?
A: Maybe. We’ll see. If we can trick any of the sponsors into promoting games that might not happen, we’ll certainly do so. Also, if we can think up some other type of food to put on hats, we’ll get that going so that we can sell more merch!
There’s a Craft Beer Fest coming up. What if there’s a game then, the same day? Then what?
A: The food trucks don’t take up that much room on the warning track. We can probably play around them. If the players complain we’ll point out the benefit of having food available on the field. Or we could maybe park food and beer trucks on the concourse. That might work. Whatever–we don’t even know if we’re having the games yet but we ARE sure about food and beer!
Really, I’m jazzed about the possibility of playoffs. I’ve got cool stuff planned for fans, blogs, and NosieNation stuff. But it’s a little soon. Let’s get through the next 13 games.
See you at the park,