Festivus in August: IronPigs Grievances

It seems like all the minor league teams now celebrate “Christmas in July.”  I find it tiresome and silly.  As if the winter holiday weren’t commercialized enough, now we’ve got to do it again in the middle of the summer?  It’s just not necessary.  Even the hockey team got into the act this season holding a summer sale with the holiday theme–and their season goes right through the actual holiday!

Maybe it’s because of all the road games in August, but now I’m cranky–and if all the teams can celebrate “Christmas in July, ” then maybe it’s time for some “Festivus for the rest of us.”  And what do we do first?  The “airing of grievances,” that’s what.  Here’s what else has been bothering me at the IronPigs games this season:


  1. Dancing Dirt Dudes.  Keep your pants on, alright?  Sheesh, I thought this place was supposed to be family friendly, but with the dirt dudes constantly removing their bottoms, I could be mistaken.  It’s tired and not funny when it’s done 4700 times per season.
  2. Get Out of My Seats.  In seasons gone by, I might have to remove someone from my seats once or twice.  This season it’s been six or seven times, and the season’s not over yet.  I’m not sure what the problem is or why it’s different, but it’s getting on my nerves.  Twice, I almost got into a fight.  Those seats aren’t just mine for the game, they’re mine for EVERY game.  Every game this season, last season, and the season before.  Every game for the next five seasons, maybe.  They have my name on them.  The place is crowded.  Go sit in your own darn seat!  I get up to go to the restroom and some schmuck moves into my seat.  It’s got to stop.  The last group didn’t even have Club Level seats–just came on up to sit in my seats I guess.
  3. Use the Crosswalks.  Mostly, folks walking up from the lot beyond center field need:  They need to stay in that narrow strip behind the cones.  I’m going to hit someone soon.  It always happens, they want to walk three or four abreast and cut out into the right lane of the parking access traffic, outside of the hashed walking area and outside of the cones.  Because of signage and other cars, it’s difficult to swerve away.  Perhaps an additional parking attendant needs to be stationed at the bottom of that hill to tell people to stay to the right of the cones.
  4. Don’t lie to us.  “Those hats won’t be sold in the store.”  Yes, they were.  “Those hats are online-only.”  Nope.  “There are only 72 T-Shirts available.”  Wrong.  Just tell the truth.
  5. Rain Checks Deserve Equal Value, Where Possible.  I noticed this season, rain check tickets are only “field level” of equal or lesser value.  As a club-level season ticket holder, I prefer to be able to exchange my tickets for any seat of equal or lesser value.  As available, of course.
  6. Check the Tickets at the Club Doors.  This past home stand a gentleman who was occupying several seats at the club bar told me about how he’s been coming up to the Club Level since 2008.  He has a 9-game plan in section 105.  “They never check,” he says.  “They should let everyone up here,” he says.  Well, OK, then.  Maybe they can start charging me less for my upstairs seats.  It’s not exclusive, anyone can buy a ticket for upstairs. I’m not special.  But if you didn’t, then maybe let the people who paid for Club Level use the Club Level.
  7. Auction Jerseys.  They were hideous this season.  We can do better.
  8. Sit Down.  We’ve been over this, but it’s getting worse–and not just in my section.  Ushers have told me it’s worse in all sections.  Sit and enjoy the game.  Move around during the breaks and between innings.  It’s not so hard.  If you must, just stay on the concourse or in the common areas to talk and hang out–don’t even bother with the seats unless you’re going to sit and watch the game.  And keep control of your kids–don’t let them invade others’ seats–like I said, the place is crowded, plus it’s not safe if you’re not paying attention or blocking others.
  9. It’s Not “Lehigh.”  It’s “IronPigs,” or “‘Pigs” or “Lehigh VALLEY.”  Anyone who says, writes, or tweets “Lehigh” should be shunned, and forced to pay $44,520.00 in tuition, each of the next four or five years, at “Lehigh.”  If “Lehigh Valley” is too long and complicated, abbreviate “LHV” or just say “Allentown” because that’s where the stadium is.  They should change the appearance of that “away” jersey, therefore, as well.


Glad I got that off my chest.  Now, who wants to wrestle?


“Feats of Strength”

Categories: Kram's Korner - From the Club Level, Lehigh Valley IronPigs

7 replies

  1. I’m going to echo one of your grievances and add one to the list.

    As far as I’m concerned, the Dancing Dirt Dudes can just dance on outta here. Okay, it was funny at first, and different from anything else in MiLB — so much so that all of a sudden, it had paid sponsorship. Only now, nearly eight years later, when it’s stale and ignored by all but the few new fans, it refuses to realize it’s time to shuffle off this mortal coil. Why? Are those front-office staffers still having that much fun? Are they getting paid that well to do it? Is management afraid to part with an old tradition? Or are they simply afraid to part with the advertising money? Whatever the case, it’s time to say “Aloha!” guys (and gals). We’re not laughing anymore.

    Okay, now for my other pet peeve. Does it bother anyone else that the ever-popular Pork Races seem to be telling young fans that there’s nothing wrong with cheating to win? Someone is working overtime devising different ways for Diggity to win by tripping, shoving, distracting or knocking down whichever one of his competitors happens to be in front of him. And the fans love it! Seriously, what kind of message is this for our kids? When the other racers turn the tables on Diggity and pull the same dirty moves, of course, that’s okay too because they’re just giving him some of his own medicine, right? Again, the fans love it! But is that the message we should be sending young fans? Think about it. Maybe it’s time Diggity became the new Hambone.

  2. Kram,
    #2: This happens a lot with the seats next to me 115, Row Z (handicapped) The guy next to us has season tickets and isn’t always there. There is a couple that have tickets in Row X who come in and sit in his seats until he shows up. If he skips a game, they sit there the whole game. Drives me nuts.
    #4: I got suckered into one of those 72 shirt deals and found out afterwards it wasn’t true. Bugs me too.
    #6: If you hadn’t experience that, I would not have believed it. Sometimes I buy tickets for the club level and my ticket is always checked.
    #9: Wow, this drives me nuts too. Philly.com does this all the time when reporting the minor league games.

    Jim: boy did you hit the nail on the head with the pork races. The worst example I ever saw was on a night where Hackman’s Bible Bookstore sponsored “Faith Night”. They brought in Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber from Veggie Tales. So guess who ended up cheating on the race? Yup, those same veggie characters who are supposed to be teaching children the right way to do things.

  3. Good stuff, guys. I think the idea with Diggity was to make him the “villain” but perhaps they’ve gone too far. Perhaps it’s not clear that he’s the “bad guy” and that “crime doesn’t pay.” I hadn’t thought of it that way before, but maybe they need to put a black mask on him and have him win a lot less. “Candy” never wins in the veggie race in Reading…

    • Last year on National Pig Day, my boys ran into Diggity on the concourse. They scolded him for cheating and begged him “Please don’t cheat this year!”. Diggity gave them a Thumbs Up in response and they were very excited. First game they attended that season, Diggity cheats, again. Suddenly my three boys (2, 3 1/2, and 6 years old) are sobbing, and I having forgotten the interaction had no idea what was happening. Once I got it under control, I tweet at the pigs that Diggity caused three young boys to break down. The response from Kurt Landes was “I think @Run_Diggity was born to cheat unfortunately” and that’s it. I can’t comprehend why a family friendly entity would take a favorite food of children and turn it into a villain knowing many kids would instinctively root as instructed, for their favorite meat.

      That being said, I feel like Diggity has been a lot less “mean” and “bad guy” this year, and leaving a lot more of the drama and chaos of the Pork Races to individual ineptitude or “accidents”. Maybe it’s a small sample, maybe it’s a subtle deliberate change on their part. Only time will tell, I guess..

  4. Can I “like” this post 1000 times?!

    As in, people who walk in front of the “lone” person or two people in their section to get to the bar/food…rather than their OWN group of people. Yeah, it’s easier to bother others, rather than one’s own group. And hey, let’s make that person get up/down at least 4 – 6 times per game…DURING ball play. After all, their “convenience” trumps those who actually want to watch the game.

    As in…”guest” patrons who may have “won” free tickets from a local company. Those people who didn’t PAY for their seats, but won a “freebie.” They have nothing vested in going…but they can be loud, annoying, and disrespectful to fans who actually PAY and want to watch the game. Put the folks in those areas AWAY from the “prime” seats. Or have their “guests” be made aware of the rules of decorum.

    As in, parents whose offspring have the manners of a sloth. As in, kicking seats in front of them, hitting the seats with whiffle bats (and WHO HAD THAT GREAT IDEA for a giveaway?!?!) Heaven forbid you kindly ask the said child to STOP being obnoxious…you will get a bunch of (_@!+$ from the parents. Who, often, of course, didn’t pay for the seats in the first place. How about keeping the “best” seats for TRUE fans who PAY, rather than to companies who aren’t vested in the game?

    As in, “guests” who invade seats that aren’t theirs, especially if the true owners happen to get a drink from the bar or go to the bathroom…then decide to harass the poor ushers, who are trying to do their jobs…for a pittance of $40 per GAME to direct the riff-raff.

    The field level does a much better job, IMHO. Ushers make folks WAIT between plays to take their seats. They can’t really do much about folks that leave their seats & come to the main concourse. Why can’t this happen in the club level, when we pay up toward $17 PER SEAT!?!?!

    We pay over $1000 per seat…for 4 seats…for YEARS. Why shouldn’t we get preferential treatment? Or…at least the SAME courtesy as the field level. Paying for 72 home games…food…beverages,..and items to buy. I shudder to think what our family has spent this past year…much less since 2008.

    AND WE LOVE IT. But why should we have to deal with the “riff raff?” The club level should be exclusive, IMHO. There is a reason it’s the “CLUB” level.

    Get with it…Iron Pigs’ management. It’s time to enforce the “rules” for everyone.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: