It seems like all the minor league teams now celebrate “Christmas in July.” I find it tiresome and silly. As if the winter holiday weren’t commercialized enough, now we’ve got to do it again in the middle of the summer? It’s just not necessary. Even the hockey team got into the act this season holding a summer sale with the holiday theme–and their season goes right through the actual holiday!
Maybe it’s because of all the road games in August, but now I’m cranky–and if all the teams can celebrate “Christmas in July, ” then maybe it’s time for some “Festivus for the rest of us.” And what do we do first? The “airing of grievances,” that’s what. Here’s what else has been bothering me at the IronPigs games this season:
- Dancing Dirt Dudes. Keep your pants on, alright? Sheesh, I thought this place was supposed to be family friendly, but with the dirt dudes constantly removing their bottoms, I could be mistaken. It’s tired and not funny when it’s done 4700 times per season.
- Get Out of My Seats. In seasons gone by, I might have to remove someone from my seats once or twice. This season it’s been six or seven times, and the season’s not over yet. I’m not sure what the problem is or why it’s different, but it’s getting on my nerves. Twice, I almost got into a fight. Those seats aren’t just mine for the game, they’re mine for EVERY game. Every game this season, last season, and the season before. Every game for the next five seasons, maybe. They have my name on them. The place is crowded. Go sit in your own darn seat! I get up to go to the restroom and some schmuck moves into my seat. It’s got to stop. The last group didn’t even have Club Level seats–just came on up to sit in my seats I guess.
- Use the Crosswalks. Mostly, folks walking up from the lot beyond center field need: They need to stay in that narrow strip behind the cones. I’m going to hit someone soon. It always happens, they want to walk three or four abreast and cut out into the right lane of the parking access traffic, outside of the hashed walking area and outside of the cones. Because of signage and other cars, it’s difficult to swerve away. Perhaps an additional parking attendant needs to be stationed at the bottom of that hill to tell people to stay to the right of the cones.
- Don’t lie to us. “Those hats won’t be sold in the store.” Yes, they were. “Those hats are online-only.” Nope. “There are only 72 T-Shirts available.” Wrong. Just tell the truth.
- Rain Checks Deserve Equal Value, Where Possible. I noticed this season, rain check tickets are only “field level” of equal or lesser value. As a club-level season ticket holder, I prefer to be able to exchange my tickets for any seat of equal or lesser value. As available, of course.
- Check the Tickets at the Club Doors. This past home stand a gentleman who was occupying several seats at the club bar told me about how he’s been coming up to the Club Level since 2008. He has a 9-game plan in section 105. “They never check,” he says. “They should let everyone up here,” he says. Well, OK, then. Maybe they can start charging me less for my upstairs seats. It’s not exclusive, anyone can buy a ticket for upstairs. I’m not special. But if you didn’t, then maybe let the people who paid for Club Level use the Club Level.
- Auction Jerseys. They were hideous this season. We can do better.
- Sit Down. We’ve been over this, but it’s getting worse–and not just in my section. Ushers have told me it’s worse in all sections. Sit and enjoy the game. Move around during the breaks and between innings. It’s not so hard. If you must, just stay on the concourse or in the common areas to talk and hang out–don’t even bother with the seats unless you’re going to sit and watch the game. And keep control of your kids–don’t let them invade others’ seats–like I said, the place is crowded, plus it’s not safe if you’re not paying attention or blocking others.
- It’s Not “Lehigh.” It’s “IronPigs,” or “‘Pigs” or “Lehigh VALLEY.” Anyone who says, writes, or tweets “Lehigh” should be shunned, and forced to pay $44,520.00 in tuition, each of the next four or five years, at “Lehigh.” If “Lehigh Valley” is too long and complicated, abbreviate “LHV” or just say “Allentown” because that’s where the stadium is. They should change the appearance of that “away” jersey, therefore, as well.
Glad I got that off my chest. Now, who wants to wrestle?
“Feats of Strength”